Hello Kitty Birthday!!

Wow my girls turned 5, where did the time go? The girls had their first ever girl party and it was Hello Kitty themed!! Mariah is currently obsessed with anything Hello Kitty. I did the best I could working with a limited budget with all their birthdays being so close to Christmas and all. I couldn't find Hello Kitty party supplies like I wanted so made out own! We decorated with hot pink and black everything! We had an old Barbie Happy Birthday sign that I covered the Barbie emblems with HK stickers. Hung the girls birthday present, HK poster, as part of the decor, blew up pink and black balloons. I made HK rice krispie treats using the cookie cutter set I bought months ago using my Swagbucks. For activities the kiddies played a lil outdoor bowling, played pin the tail on the donkey, had their faces painted ( thanks again Shirley) and decorated HK sugar cookies I made the night before. The turnout was great and I was told many times that day it was the birthday ever! I rather enjoyed it myself and even liked the pink ALOT, and anyone that knew me before my girls came around will tell you I hated PINK I am hoping their #6 will be just as great!!

Boys Rockin Birthday

Not sure how I missed posting about the kids birthday parties cause they were so fab this year! Brayden and Deion had their Rockin boys party complete with a guitar made by your truly. We had the party at the local park which also has a skateboard which Deion loves. It was kinda chilly and windy but they had fun. Had hot dogs, chips and juice and of course yummy cake!! Boys will be boys and preferred the playground, soccer field, and skateboard ramp rather that partying. Deion made 12 years old (golly I feel old) so he's not really into the kiddie party thing anymore so he loved it. Brayden was glad to have friends form school show up and had a great time. I am sure this next year we will be having a kiddie party for Brayden and teen party for Deion, yah me!! Here's a few pics!

New Year, New Life!!

I sat down to write my New Year's Resolutions and realized I am not going to
put the crappola I normally. I say that because every year I make resolutions and NEVER stick to them so this year I decided instead of resolutions I would make goals,don't ask me what the difference is. I just want to change things and this is a list to remind me everyday of what my goals for 2012! I got this! :)



1. To be happy!! This is number one and will be a major priority in my life whether its with my kids, alone, or with good friends!! I have realized being happy affects everything in your life!
2. I normally say lose weight. but this year I wanna get healthier!! Yes I wanna work out more and get in better shape, but I wanna get myself to the doctor and dentist! I am always putting others first this year I have to work on me !!
3. Laugh more! Plain and simple...
4. Blog more..I write almost everyday but I hardly ever post them. Writing to me is an outlet and helps me deal with feelings, stresses, and to school everyone on how chaotic my crazy life is..lol
5. Go on a vacation..somewhere/anywhere!
6. This year I am not going to care so much about but others but work on myself. I know this sounds selfish but I have invested so much of myself into frienships lately, that have only caused me pain. (see resolution #1)

Gooodbye 2011...Helllllooooo 2012!!

Its a new year and I am so glad! Don't get me wrong 2011 ended on a great note, the kids had a wonderful Christmas and I am so thankful for that. Last year started off terrible for us and got worse but I knew God had our back and that through it all we'd be ok and sure enough, WE MADE IT!!

This past year was not all bad, Brayden and the girls started school and they LOVE it. The girls are in Pre-K and Brayden is in Kinder. We decided to put the girls in separate classes so maybe Marissa wouldn't rely on Mariah as much. In case you didn't know Mariah is the oldest and you can tell by her independent, bossy ways, she tends to help Marissa do everything! Well it has paid off Marissa has really opened up and become almost a totally different lil girl. She used to be so quiet and very shy, but now she's a lil social butterfly with lots of friends and loves to be the center of attention! At Christmas she was the star, standing in the middle of the room with all the family and belted out Feliz Navidad as loud as she could! Made me tear up a lil bit. School has helped Mariah as well, she has tons of friends and is not AS bossy.They both can write their names and tons of other stuff!! Smarties they are!! Brayden is loving school and cries when he can't go. He's learned how to spell so many words its surprising how fast he has picked up everything! I was nervous as heck about sending him to school because of his food allergies but the school has done better that I thought they would! We've had a few almost mishaps but nothing more than that!
Deion is in the fifth grade, wow I feel old. He's doing really, really well this year! He likes his teacher and his teacher is awesome! He joined the band and is playing the trumpet. He had a concert recently and did great!! Also he has joined the C-Stem Robotics team at school. They build robots with middle school and high school kids and take them to the George R Brown in March to fight other robots. He loves it! He always liked science and this is right up his alley!! He's excited/nervous to be going to middle school next year!
DJ is doing great as well!! Making straight A's!! He has become interested in space which is awesome because I remember at his age I was in love with it! I was determined to be an astronaut at that age.HA!

Christmas was great! The kids got almost everything they wanted which is like NEVER happens! We were blessed this year and were able to give the kids so much, much more than we ever thought we would. They were so happy on Christmas morning! Before bed on Christmas Eve, they sat down and read the real Christmas story. This made me proud as a parent that they wanted to know the real meaning of Christmas.And next year we are going to have them show the real meaning of Christmas by donating and volunteering!! They enjoyed the story and now we are seeking to find a church near by so they can learn more about Jesus and the Bible.
This year is going to be focused on bettering myself (see Resolutions Post) and being happy, no matter what! Here's to 2012!!

I did what??!!!???

So after a long very hot exhausting day we are home. Anyone who knows what Texas heat knows how hot it is and on top of it we are on the Metro so everything takes twice as long. Today we had a million things today to finish getting the kids ready for school. We left out house at 7:30 this morning and got home at about 6:30ish... We got the kids school supplies and went hunting for shoes. We visited several stores trying to get the best deal and in the process something happened today that has NEVER happened to me. I lost one my kids. Yes I feel terrible and very ashamed. We were in HEB and thought everyone walked out with us and proceeded to another store. We got in the other store and realized he wasn't there! I was freaking out! I was about to start balling. I went up and down the aisles, asking people if they had seen him. I got lucky and a stocker happened to notice him and told me he had just saw him. I went the way he said he went and was about to start freaking out! Then he found him!! I have never been so scared in all my life and felt terrible at the same time. He wasn't crying or anything was just looking for us. I thanked the stocker and scooped him up. He said he was playing with a car and looked up and we were gone. I have had 5 kids for over 4 years now and I lost one, I feel terrible but I know things happen but I still feel bad. We normally have a buddy system and everyone has a buddy but we were hot and tired. Needless to say we will be implementing the system again from now on.. Other than losing my kid today and nearly sweating to death it was a good day. The kids are all ready for school! Only 2 weeks til school starts!
On another note things in our life and getting better and I am thanking God, I see the sun through the clouds. Even though its still pretty cloudy I see a sunny day on the horizon!(As long as I don't lose any more kids!)

Mommy of Five??

I recently came across a few pages from an old journal of mine from when I was just a mommy of three, soon to be five and even tidbits after the twins were born. I have chosen to share them to maybe allow you to absorb the idea of five kids and how I became able to do it..:) I also have a post dated today so you can see how different they are now. I hope you enjoy ! Please excuse some have dates and some do not and some make lil or no sense..

Sept 2006---Although it hasn't been confirmed I know I am having twins, here at 21 weeks I can feel more than one baby moving and its such a weird feeling and I am HUGE already. Had a lady comment I must be due soon, yea I wish!! Deion's enjoying school but kinda struggling hope it gets better for him. DJ is almost completely potty trained and Brayden is walking and jibber jabbing a lot..too tired..night

October 31--Tonight was Booky's first Halloween and he was a handsome lil Jack o' Lantern. He didn't really do much but ride in the stroller but he looked so cute. We couldn't paint his face cause it all broken out again..I hope we soon find out whats going on with his face...The boys loved getting candy.. I walked a lot and started having contractions, its way to early for baby or babies...

November 11- Well after a late night trip to ER, its been confirmed I am having twins!! They even said maybe triplets!! I was like ugh no!! But they think its just twins. I literally balled my eyes out when they told me.We know for sure ones a girl (yah) but couldn't tell about the other. I am assuming that the others a girl as well. Girls clothes here I come!! On another note I am 28 weeks to day and am having twins and scared to death!! I already have 3 very rambunctious boys( one of which is not even one year old yet) how on Earth am I going to take care of 2 more!! Two newborns without any help?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Called mom and told her, thought she was going to have a heart attack, I hope not, I am going to need her around when these babies are born.

December 9- Today was the boys birthday party Deion made 7 and Brayden turned 1..Hard to believe. Booky loved digging into his cake, he had cake everywhere and Deion loved all his gifts. Had a great turnout...
On another note, got some baby girl stuff sure hope both these babies are girls!! Have two car seats and tons of blankets! Still need some things but hope to have them before they are born. With twins you never know when they will come either. Still scared to death but I know I can do this, well maybe..lol

December 19-- Well home from the hospital with NO babies :( it hurts my heart to be at home without my babies. They were born on the 14th after I went into preterm labor and started hemorraging so had to have an emergency c section (AlONE)and asleep I wasn't even awake to hear my babies first cry-- Baby B ( Marissa Elizabeth Lewis) born at 7:12 am weighed 5lbs 6 ozs went automatically to NICU, she had trouble with her breathing. Baby A ( Mariah Dachelle Lewis) also born at 7:12 am weighed 5lbs 10 ozs went to well baby nursery, then to me for a about 15 min when I discovered blood in her diaper so she was taken to NICU. They think she either swallowed my blood in utero or she has bleeding in her stomach. Every time they feed her she has more blood in her diaper. Marissa is on a nasal pap and is being given milk thru a tube in her nose :( Mariah isn't able to have milk , they try to giver some then stop. I cant hold her because she under the billi lights and doesn't want you to touch her anyways, poor thing has been stuck and prodded on and cant be loved on by her mommy. I came home a few days ago and have been going to the hospital as much as I can. Mom went home so I am with the boys during the day. I cant describe the pain I felt when I left the hospital. Standing outside the NICU doors balling my eyes out, knowing if I had something different my girls would be going home with me instead being stuck here without their mommy. I hope they come home soon. Its almost Christmas I want them home for it, the boys havent even seen them except a couple of pictures....too tired and sad to write more..

December 23--NICU says Marissa passed her car seat test so she can come home!! YEAH!! I hope she gets to visit her sister before she leaves. They have been separated since birth..happy but still sad that Mariah will still be there!! Hopefully soon she will be able to come home..

December 25--Merry Christmas!! And a great one it was Mariah came home today!! We had Christmas at Ms Jennies and went by and picked her up on the way! So glad to have both my babies home!! Now the fun begins!



January ???--Don't ask me what the day is cause I have no idea! Life with 3 with soooo easy compared to now. The twins are good babies but there are 2 of them and one of me.. But I have figured out a system to feed both of them at the same time. Daniel had to go back to work right after Christmas so its me and 5 kids..Fun... Things aren't that bad though..They are newborns so they eat, sleep and poop, not much else. The boys are being great lil helpers and love their sisters. Booky has been a bit jealous but its to be expected I mean hes only 1 now so I knew it would happen. School starts in a few days so my big helper wont be around so then things might get a little crazy.


February 2007-- Well life has been busy but so worth it!! The girls are growing so fast. They are great lil eaters and wonderful sleepers!! They sleep all night together! We had bought them separate beds but they seem restless alone so we put it back together. Things around have been chaotic but I realize that's our life now, so we have to adapt to it!! Even with 3 lil ones running around and twin infants I still somehow manage to do laundry, cook meals, go to the grocery store, and still maintain my sanity (well kinda). I will in no way say its easy but its not that difficult once you develop a routine and a schedule. and lists!! Without lists I would be lost!! I know my tiny lil house may not be spotless and have laundry all over the couch all the time but my kids are fed and bathed and happy and that's all that matters....


July 26 2011--Wow it has been a long time since then. Those days seemed to be like yesterday even though it has been 4 years. In December my babies will be 5 years old. Life now is sooooo much different than then. Back then it was so easy. Babies eat, sleep, and poop basically. But now they walk, talk, fight, and cause all kinds of chaos! But I wouldn't change it for the world! Although we do have a chaotic life full of chaos, tons of laundry, an amazing amount of food and some knock down drag outs, we are surviving. The kids are older so they are able to help and all have chores, and it helps but sometimes hey dont wanna do them. The girls will be starting school this year and i just wanna cry. Time has flew by sooo fast!

Summertime

We have tried to keep the kids as busy as possible but its difficult when you have NO money for anything. So we try to do any and everything that is free.. We have been to the park numerous times, had million picnics, play in the splashpads, been to the pool, zoo, the library a million times and even the circus.. We have played outside, played basketball at our local park. We have made cupcakes, cookies, ice cream sundaes, and pizzas. We have went to a great pool called Noah's Ark and wish we could go more its reasonably priced, but we just don't have the funds now.
We went to the Rainbow on the Green at Discovery Green, and I thought it it would be a lil weird/odd to have to explain things to the kids. Rainbow on the Green was a concert opening Pride weekend here in Houston. I want my children to be accepting of all, whether they are gay, straight, fat, skinny, black or white, or heck even green, lol. It was a great expereince and I didnt have to explain anything, but if I had to I would have said to them people love who they love. :)
We went to family member house for a BBQ a few days before the 4th and they had a awesome waterslide. The kids and even grown ups had a blast. I haven't had such a good time in a while and the kids loved having mommy sliding with them. It was great to be able to visit with our family and have a great time!
The 4th of July we spent at home and bbqed and had a few family members and neighbors over and had a great food and great laughs and a heck of a good time. Although we may have had a lil too much to drink we had a great time!
We have became very frequent members to the library. We have one right here by our house so we go there a least once a week and also the big library downtown at least once a week. The kids have done crafts, been to movie night, and been to a few programs at the library. Not to mention reading so many books! They earned 2 free books, free Astros tickets and even free tickets to the circus!
We took the kids to the circus on Sunday to redeem their tickets they had earned. It was great and they loved it. We arrived early and were able to see the animals and meet some of the performers and see them up close before the show started. We went last year as well and this years show was totally different! I enjoyed it as much as the kids did and hope to go back again next year.
Summer is not quite over but we are quickly running out of ideas and cheap things to do. School starts in less than a month so I hope it flies by!!

Summer FUN

I got this great idea from a friend and I am posting this on our fridge as soon as I get home!! (If I ever get home, yes we are still in hospital)...Enjoy!!

Ahhhh!!! Appendicitis!!!

First off, let me say I fell very guilty about my kid being so sick for so long and not even realizing it. The doctors reassured me I couldn't have done anything more even I had brought him in on Monday or Tuesday the result would have been the same. I had a thought in the back of my mind he was sicker than he let on but I didn't want to believe that, from now on I will trust my instinct.
So DJ had been sick for about a week. He was sent home from school on Monday for vomiting and stayed home on Tuesday. Went back to school on Wednesday without fever or vomiting, he still claimed his stomach hurt. I kinda blew it off, thinking it just a bug. Well Friday after school he looked terrible, his eyes looked sunk in, he was pale and was still complaining. So off to the ER we went. We didn't have to wait long. We were triaged pretty quickly and sent to ultrasound. In ultrasound I knew something was up because it was taking forever and the ultrasound tech had her boss come in and take more pics. After ultrasound we were informed he had a perforated appendix and he would need surgery. They said it would be the next day after he had some fluids and antibiotics. We were given a room and settled in. Not ten minutes after we were asleep, they came in to take him to surgery, guess he was sicker than we thought.
Surgery took about an hour, was in recovery for almost 2 hrs due to his bp being very low and his oxygen stats. He was given meds and then stabilized. We then were able to finally rest. It had been almost 24 hrs we had been up.
We slept a few hours then he had to go to the restroom and we were awake all day. He was in pain, but got up and moved around. That night we slept much better. Sunday he was feeling much better but still was in quite a bit of pain. Also he was getting more and more upset about not being able to eat food. He had been on liquid diet. Well today was the best day by far. He was able to go off the IV fluids, moved around much better and best yet--he was able to eat REAL FOOD for dinner. Never seen a kid so happy, well except when he got to eat a popsicle for breakfast. We are hoping tomorrow we will be able to get outta here. He is definitely is tired of being here. He misses the animals and his siblings (whether he admits that or not)! I really miss my other kids and I know they miss me. Also tomorrow is mine and the husbands anniversary (8 years together, married 3) so I would like to be home with him. I am sure my house is a disaster and my mom who came down to help wants to go home. I am sure. My household is chaos to many, and my mom only had one kid so it is a but overwhelming and LOUD! LOL... I want thank everyone for all the well wishes and concerns,my mom for coming down and helping with everything.
I have taken some pics during our lil visit and will post them here!!

Deion sleeping in waiting room while DJ was in surgery


DJ after surgery


The view from his room


In playroom reading a book


Sunday-feeling better (notice the IV in each hand :( )


Monday-him and Troy Aikman -lol



Monday -Trip to the library-

Take for granted...

There are so many things people take for granted everyday and don't realize how'd their life would be if certain things weren't the way they have always been. I, for one have learned my lesson.. I too have been one of the many who has taken so much for granted.
Financial Stability- The job that my husband had for 11 years..we took for granted cause in one day it was gone.
Transportation- The vehicle I had been driving around for the past year, although it was a hoopty, it got me and the kids where we needed to go. You never realize how hard life will be without a car. Fortunately, we do live in Houston and have use of Metro but its not the same AT ALL..
Friendships- The bestest friend in the world, who I miss dearly. Have seen in 6 mths. Never realize how much you'd miss being able to pick up the phone and call her when something/anything happens or just because..How much you miss hanging out even if it is a trip to grocery store.(lol) I miss having a best friend.
Your health- I have been sick for what seems like forever. You never realize how much you cant accomplish when you are sick as a dog. And being a mom to five, u really don't get a sick day.
I know there are so many more things I take for granted but wanted to touch on the few right of the top of my head tonight.. Just remember everything in life is a gift and we shouldn't take anything for granted..

I am RICH!!

Yep you read it right, I am so freaking rich!! Rich, what you ask, no I didn't win the lottery... I sat down to write about all the freaking stress in my life, when I heard a song playing and realized my life isn't all that bad. Sure we have some stresses but who doesn't? We have a roof over our head, food in our bellies, and kids have clothes to wear. My kids are always wearing big ole smiles (unless you're telling them to do chores) and laugh all the time. Sure we don't live in a great big house and we don't even have a car at this time, but heck the kids love the bike rides. And I have even lost some weight!!
So instead of complaining I am celebrating!!! Posting pics of my the joys in my life and the constant reminders of how "rich" I am really am!!!

Team Booky

Before I had my youngest son I knew of food allergies but had never even knew anyone with food allergies. We didn't find out he had food allergies until he was over a year old. He was breastfeed for the first 2 and half months exclusively. When we finally started him on formula he started having terrible rashes on his face, stomach, elbows, and knees. I took him to the doctor and she said simply was baby acne and that it would go away. But it didn't. As he got older we saw his races get worse and worse. His face look like raw hamburger meat at times. He would incessantly scratch and scratch. We tried creams and everything. We went back to doctor she said it was simply a rash and would go away. Well, fast forward til he was a lil over a year old. We began noticing that after eating certain foods he would become violently ill. He would have projectile vomit and terrible diarrhea. It was only then did I realize something was wrong. We had also made a few trips to the ER when he would seem to not be breathing right and would almost be gasping for air, but by the time we would get to ER and be seen, he would be ok. I swear they thought I was crazy...

So I finally had a not so nice discussion with my doctor and she FINALLY referred us to an allergy and immunology doctor. So after waiting six months for an appointment, we finally find out that our son has food allergies that are potentially life threatening, as well as eczema, and asthma. We are advised on how to adapt our lifestyle to his needs and that this will probably be a lifelong diagnosis for him. We were taught how to administer meds, although in a jam I am not sure Dad would be able to jam a inch long needle into said son's thigh, but I know I will if it ever comes to it.

Adapting to a lifestyle for a child with food allergies seems very difficult to many, and to me as well at first. But we have figured it out, we just do things differently than most. we don't have peanut butter, nuts or anything like that in our house. We do have eggs, he can eat them as long as they are cooked into something, like a cake or cookies, but not boiled eggs. We still have our big family breakfast on Sunday mornings he just doesn't get eggs.

We have also drilled all five of our kids as to what their brother can and can't have. He will ask if someone gives him something before he even takes it, if it has nuts. He refuses to eat anything with eggs in it, potato salad, mayonnaise, etc. He also has a necklace he wears to let everyone know he has food allergies.

In our home and around family he is safe, but I am scared to death to send him to school next year. I have seen several stories lately of kids older than him coming in contact with nuts and stop breathing, and even ending up in comas. I know its my job as a parent to educate my child as to what he can and can't eat and I am not worried about him, its others. I mean he will be in Kindergarten and not all children know about food allergies. I will notify whoever I have to notify about his allergies and pray everyday when I send him to school that some kid doesn't eat a pb&j for lunch and then wanna play with him. We haven't had any major attacks but there's always a chance.

He was retested late last year to determine if had outgrown any of his allergies.
They did a skin test for eggs, because they really wanted him to have a flu shot, but the results were fast and huge, itchy, welts on my baby's back only seconds after having the eggs applied to his skin. (This reminds me of an incident when he was about three, an egg had fallen out of the fridge door onto the floor and he attempted to pick it up. After I rushed over to stop him, I quickly washed him up.In only the few minutes it took me to wash his hands,his entire face was swollen. His eyes were almost swollen shut. Scared me to death!! Benadryl was given and he was fine later. This also happened when he had tubes put in his ears and had an ear pit removed. He had anesthesia and I didn't even recognize him when he came out of surgery.) We were informed that he may never outgrow these allergies. But there's always hope and always may be a cure so to speak.

Last year I walked with FAAN (The Food Allergy and Anaphylaxis Network) here in Houston and although it liked to have killed me, it was terribly hot and humid, I will be doing it again this year!! I walk in hope that one day there will be a cure so to speak and that more research can be done, so if not my child can be healed of this maybe other children can be spared... Here's my team info for this years walk if you'd like to join me to walk or donate. Team Booky (his nickname) ...

http://www.foodallergywalk.org/site/TR?team_id=63470&fr_id=1954&pg=team

Yummy Dinner / Product Review, sorta.... :)

I recently received my party pack from House Party. I had won the Philadelphia Cooking Creme Party. I had already tried a couple of the flavors but tonight I used the Sante Fe blend to make enchiladas... Can you say yummy? The cooking creme itself tastes wonderful! I used the recipe on the back of the container except I used ground chicken instead of shredded chicken and also used Rotel tomatoes instead of regular diced tomatoes, and also used wheat tortillas. And multiplied everything times 2 (cause you know there's lots of us.) It was fantastic!! Made two pans and they at them all.. No leftovers.. The cooking creme by itself tasted wonderful by itself!! And this week its on sale at Krogers, so its a double plus yummy and cheap!! Hope you try it!! Let me know if you would like a coupon I have plenty!!

I have included some pics!!


The Cooking Creme



Before I put it the oven (naked-hehe without cheese and cooking creme on top)



The Final Product---SO YUMMY!!

Spring Break 2011

Heres a few pics from our Spring Break 2011!!!

A Tech-cation!!!

Yea I made up a word but I am planning on taking a vacation from technology. Well only really because I am going to the middle of nowhere...hahaha..The kids and I are going to visit my mom for 4-5 days, while they are on Spring Break. My mom lives in the middle of the east Texas woods.. I love it there..The only draw back no wifi and my cell has NO service there!! My mom does have internet at her house but its only dial up and super slow. And I am just going to enjoy my brief time away from all the stress in my life. Sure I will know It will still be here when I get back but I need a break. The kids love it there cause they can run and play outside and all that. I love it cause I grew up in the country and love the outdoors, and the peacefulness.

I am sure I will still be writing to my blog just wont be able to post until I get back.. I will post pics too when we get back!!!

Hope everyone has a safe and funnnnnnn Spring Break!!!

Really???

I am watching TLC and the show "Outrageous Kid Parties" comes on and I am just in awe...How in the hell can you spend $10,000+ on an 8 year old's birthday party?? Especially when you dont have that kind of money?? Really? I mean what are going to do next year and the next?? I am all for making a memorable birthday for your kids but ten grand on an eight year old?? I know many families go all out on Sweet Sixteen parties but an 8 year old? This woman went crazy, a limo ride, a $1500 makeover, red carpet,fireworks, rides, and a $2500 cake just is some of the few things she spent money on??? If you give your child everything she wants at eight what is that teaching her? Because it is going to get worse as she gets older? And this woman didnt even tell her husband how much she was spending?? She is going to be in some major trouble wither her man and her credit is going to be all jacked up for and 8 year old's birthday party? I mean really???

Bear

Wondering why the weird title for a blog? My nickname given to me by my dad. Almost a year ago my dad passed away. He had throat cancer..I hadn't seen my dad in over a year when he died. I am not sure if I can ever get over the guilt I feel. I did not grow up with my dad. I did not meet him until my 8th grade graduation, and even then it was only for a few mins. When I turned 16 I decided that I wanted to know him. My dad and I had a strained relationship, but when it was good it was good. He didn't always agree with my choices in life and he was not ashamed to tell me.Hmmm now I know where I get that from... My dad was a good man, he worked his butt off. My dad served in the Vietnam war which I never even knew til he passed. He never talked about it. I know that he was in the Marine Corps but never knew he was a radio man in the Vietnam War. Makes me so proud....Had to stop typing because the tears are coming now....

I know we didn't get along all that great he loved my kids..And I hate that hes not around to see them grow up, even though I know hes still watching over them....He was my kids only grandpa as my husband's dad passed away before we met.


I feel such guilt as I was not there to take care of him. After all I am his grown daughter I should have done something. The last time I saw my dad he had just had his trachea tube put in and was hard to recognize him. He told me that he didn't want me to see him like that....And I took it at face value and never went back...I should have went back, I should have stepped up and taken care of my dad, not relied on others. And don't get my wrong I know my aunts and all the people who took care of him did a great job, I just wish now I had done more.....I know he has probably forgiven me but when will I forgive myself??


Not sure I ever will but will always remember and never forget....I will think you when I see an oil derrick as you were a roughneck for so long. I will think of you when I watch NASCAR and root for Dale Earhandt Jr. I will think of you whenever I see a Marine who is proudly serving our country. I will think of you whenever I am sitting by a bonfire just doing nothing. I will think of you forever and always...I love you daddy!!!

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How am I supposed to do this??

So my life has basically been in the crapper for the past year or so, progressively just getting worse and worse...I am not sure I can take anymore... In the past year I have lost my dad (I feel so insanely guilty, that I didnt see him or even help him when he needed me), had an apt flooded, my vehicle almost stolen, my vehicle broke down, refrigerator went out, our income tax refund was lost, and then top it all off, my husband lost his job two weeks ago. YEA, I know that they say God doesn't give you more than you can handle but really???

So my life is chaos to begin with because of the kids rambunctious kids I have but now I have to deal with the stress of my husband not having a job. He worked at his job for 13 years!!! Yea they let him go because he was ill and had miss a few days. They claim he had excessive absecnces..whatever...My husband has worked since he was 16 and has never NOT had a job. He is struggling everyday, he is looking for a new job everyday, but the stress of not being the bread winner is getting to him. I tell him we have savings we are good, not to worry. Things will work out but I know thats not really helping.. His stress is rubbing off onto the kids and me. He snaps at stuff that before never bothered him and I am not sure how much more of this I can take...

AND then I applied for one job, before he lost his job, and I already had an interview. I should know by this week if I get the job. But this does not make him happy. He says I am not going to work and he sit at home. I know its a pride thing, but money is money. As long as the bills get paid who cares who makes it??

My life is just a HUGE ball of stress....ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...I am relying on this blog to express my feelings as my best friend (forever) and other friends are MIA. I have no one to talk, I am just fed up....

I am looking for jobs out of the Houston area as there nothing here in Houston for us anymore, I feel. I would like to be closer to my mom.The kids miss her as do I. And we would be in the country!!

The kids and I are going to my mom's for Spring Break, I am hoping this will be a bit of a vacation for me even though the kids will be there....Just going to the country and get away for a week or soooo....Heres hoping I come back tan and stress free!!! :)

Time Goes by SOOOO fast….

I was looking through pictures in my computer today trying to find a new background for home screen ( I change it weekly!) and I found the pictures of the girls when they were babies.
Awwww… I am tearing up….Its so hard to believe that my babies aren’t babies anymore. Yes I know they are fou,r but man where has the time gone…. It seems like only yesterday I was still trying to figure out how to feed both babies at the same time. Those times rushed by so fast.. I know that in all likelyhood I will not have anymore kids. And this is a bit sad to me, knowing that my babies are growing up so fast and it seems as it rushed by, that I didn’t cherish every single moment, good or bad with them. Maybe because I was simply too busy to realize it? I mean I did have 7 yr old, a 2 yr old, and an 11mth old when they were born. I was too busy with the bottle washing, diaper changing, and clothes washing/folding debacle to even being able to write down my baby’s firsts. I wasn’t able to write down the day the crawled, walked, or first tooth. Man now I feel like a terrible mom. I know I am not..that I was just too busy and they wont even care when they are older. But I am a lil sad to know that I will never carry another baby inside me..Only women can understand but its an awesome feeling knowing you’re growing a life inside you. If I had really thought when I could only waddle not walk anymore that I was done, man I would have cherished those moments even more. I know I am rambling but there are a few friends that are preggers an a few that are due soon. (I am a lil jealous!!) Just want yall to enjoy whatever time you have left with baby in-utero and even more when baby is born. The saying time flies when you’re having fun is no joke. Enjoy every moment good and bad!!

I am including my favorite pics of my babies….to show how darn cute they are…