Bear

Wondering why the weird title for a blog? My nickname given to me by my dad. Almost a year ago my dad passed away. He had throat cancer..I hadn't seen my dad in over a year when he died. I am not sure if I can ever get over the guilt I feel. I did not grow up with my dad. I did not meet him until my 8th grade graduation, and even then it was only for a few mins. When I turned 16 I decided that I wanted to know him. My dad and I had a strained relationship, but when it was good it was good. He didn't always agree with my choices in life and he was not ashamed to tell me.Hmmm now I know where I get that from... My dad was a good man, he worked his butt off. My dad served in the Vietnam war which I never even knew til he passed. He never talked about it. I know that he was in the Marine Corps but never knew he was a radio man in the Vietnam War. Makes me so proud....Had to stop typing because the tears are coming now....

I know we didn't get along all that great he loved my kids..And I hate that hes not around to see them grow up, even though I know hes still watching over them....He was my kids only grandpa as my husband's dad passed away before we met.


I feel such guilt as I was not there to take care of him. After all I am his grown daughter I should have done something. The last time I saw my dad he had just had his trachea tube put in and was hard to recognize him. He told me that he didn't want me to see him like that....And I took it at face value and never went back...I should have went back, I should have stepped up and taken care of my dad, not relied on others. And don't get my wrong I know my aunts and all the people who took care of him did a great job, I just wish now I had done more.....I know he has probably forgiven me but when will I forgive myself??


Not sure I ever will but will always remember and never forget....I will think you when I see an oil derrick as you were a roughneck for so long. I will think of you when I watch NASCAR and root for Dale Earhandt Jr. I will think of you whenever I see a Marine who is proudly serving our country. I will think of you whenever I am sitting by a bonfire just doing nothing. I will think of you forever and always...I love you daddy!!!

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